Wednesday One-Liners Join the UFC

Hobo to entire platform: You've seen cripple fights. You've seen hobo boxing. Now prepare yourselves for rich white assholes pushing to get on the train. [Train pulls in.] Briefcases may be used as shields. Good luck, folks. --4/5 platform, Union Square Overheard by: Orson

Father holding daughter's hand: You can't just kick people when you don't get what you want, Victoria. --Mott & Canal St Overheard by: Marie

Teacher: See that guy in the mural? See how many muscles he has? If he wanted to, he could kick your ass. Look at Galileo. Even Galileo could kick your ass! --Brooklyn Tech High School Overheard by: Liz

Six-year-old: If you go to my school, you get yo' ass jumped. --107th & Manhattan Overheard by: Emily B.

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Highlights for Wednesday One-Liners

Toddler in stroller: Step one, cut a hole in the box... Step two, put your junk in the box! Step three, make her open the box! --Dressing room, Bloomingdale's

Nine-year-old boy on cell: It's not that I don't understand your vision, I just don't agree with it. --Bus stop, 79th & 5th Overheard by: Melly Mel

Eight-year-old boy whining: Dad, I'm thirsty! I wanna go to the liquor store! --Central Park Overheard by: admiring their childrearing practices

Four-year-old boy to nanny: I talk to strangers! I talk to strangers! Why are you squeezing my hand so hard?! --60th & Lex

Little boy, after bumping into a girl: Sorry, my ass is broken. --City Hall Subway Station Overheard by: Miss Adventure

Three-year-old girl waiting in check-out line: Mommy, I hate this store! Are we in the suburbs? --Trader Joe's, Union Square

Little British girl: Mummy, when I die can I be here? --Evolution, Spring St. Overheard by: stephanie

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Offensive or Funny?

Liv Tyler: Tell Me about It

Doctor #1: about Norah Jones: Did you know her father is Ravi Shankar?
Doctor #2: Her mother must be extremely good-looking.

--Doctors' lounge, St. Vincent's Hospital


Overheard by: Danny D

Overheard in New York

The Not-So-Quick and the Dead

Overheard in New York Guy #1: Yeah, so I was like, dead for two minutes. Guy #2: Fuck yeah, dude! You fuckin' died! [High five] What was it like? Guy #1: I dunno, dude, I was dead! --Brooklyn Industries, Williamsburg more

This Has Been Another Presentation of Alternate Histories

Man #1: Think about it, though -- all great men have a great woman supporting them, giving them confidence, encouraging them. No matter what happens, they know she will be there when they get home at night.
Man #2: Yeah. Imagine if Coretta Scott King had been a nag and laid it on him when he got home at night -- Dr. King, with all that shit he was dealing with, would've been like, 'Hell no, I'm movin' to Cali!'
Man #1: For reals!

--R train  ..more

Her Dreadlocks Were a Total Loss, Though

Overheard in New York
Chick #1:    Yeah, she threw up in her bed.
Chick #2:    And then she walked around throwing up all over the room.
Guy:           Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise because it finally got her to wash her sheets.

--Houston & Broadway .. more

Why Camus Wrote The Plague

Overheard in New York
Chick #1: You can't, like, wear all black.
Chick #2: Well, not unless you're a beatnik.
Chick #1: What's that?
Chick #2: You know, the guys who wear berets and play the bongos?
Chick #1: Like the French?
Chick #2: [Nods.]
Chick #1: Who knew they had bongos in France?!

--Manhattan-bound 7 train

Overheard by: Smarter than these two - more

Overheard in New York | The Voice of the City

It's Like Learning the Truth about Santa All Over Again

Woman in wheelchair: These models are fantastic!
Man pushing her: These aren't models.
Woman in wheelchair: Oh, no!

--Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport

Overheard by: Jablayblay         more